Question One

So things haven’t been so shiny for me lately. I recently found myself doubled over and sobbing in the middle of the street watching the man I thought I might be falling in love with ride away on his motorcycle. Enough said.

 After my best friend sent the “Get over it” text message, I decided to revisit Lilly. She was just sitting there on the nightstand like some lovely, old friend. I thought if she had helped me before, when I was also so sad, perhaps she could help me now.

 Lilly has a lot of great advice in her book. What she also has is a 50 question quiz that she calls her ‘Glamour Test”. You give yourself 2 points for each yes answer and zero points for each no answer. If you get a perfect 100 you’re officially glamorous. Hurray! I feel like if I can just work through it…just get a perfect score…then maybe I’ll stop feeling like the girl left crying in the street and feel like me again. And I really want that…I really do.

 Lilly Daché’s Glamour Book

 Glamour Test – Question 1

 “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror as critically as if you were looking at a stranger?”

 Hmmm…Well Lilly, here’s the deal. Not only have I looked at myself as critically as if I were looking at a stranger, I have looked at myself in a critical way that I would NEVER look at another human being. I think many women are guilty of that.

 Too tall, too pale, too ugly, too dumb, too disorganized, too mean, too poor, too unlovable, too damaged, too boring, too insecure, too lazy, too messy, too outspoken, too blah, blah, blah…plus I’m horrible at math.

 I think, for me, maybe the answer to this question is not how to look at myself more critically, but how to look at myself less critically. How to live with my imperfections?  How to forgive myself for using careless words? How to let myself off the hook for getting angry and scared and forgetting to be kind? How to stop hating myself for hurting someone I truly care about?  Perhaps if I can look at myself more gently I’ll remember that I really am a nice person, that I really do care for others and that I really am gonna be okay.

 The truth is, I hate this already and it’s only question number one. I totally want to stop now, take down the blog and hide. I want to, but I’m not going to.

 Two points.